What mom guilt feels like for me.
Mom guilt... Man, that one hit me HARD after having a baby. I literally felt bad about any minute I had to spend away from my little guy. I felt like I was suppose to be with him every living moment, and if I felt like maybe I needed just a SECOND to take a breather, I instantly felt a MAJOR rush of guilt! After all, I had just given birth to this absolutely perfect baby boy. I was suppose to WANT to spend every waking moment with him right? On top of that, as we all know, society has its own view on EVERYTHING, so now not only did I feel bad about doing something for me once in awhile or taking a breather, I also felt guilty for going back to work when the time came. Yes, I felt guilty for going to make money to give that child the best life I possibly could because I was constantly seeing things that made me feel that way.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am in NO way shaming stay at home moms. It just wasn't an option for me at that point. I NEEDED the income, and I do love my job, which made it that much harder to hear how I would be "letting someone else raise my kid while I was off working". Just so you know, it KILLS a mom to hear things like that when she is just trying to do what she feels is best.
All of this was heartbreaking enough, but then you throw in the postpartum hormones, the change in lifestyle, the feeling that EVERYTHING you do is WRONG... just a recipe for disaster, I know. Right then and there is when I decided I needed to do SOMETHING. After all, this was suppose to be the HAPPIEST time of my life, and yet here I was feeling like I literally couldn't do ANYTHING right.
What I did to help ease the pain of mom guilt.
I started reaching out to friends and experts for help. I turned to other moms for advice. I came to the realization that in order to be the BEST mom I could possibly be for that little boy, I NEEDED time to rejuvenate. I needed me time. You see, I was no good to him if I was a crying, stressed out ball of emotions. However, when I am able to take time to relax and get my head on straight again, I can focus my time spent with him on HIM. I can give him my full on attention and I can ENJOY it.
How to notice the positives of being a working mom and not only the negatives.
I soon realized needing a breather didn't make me a bad mom, but rather quite the opposite. Recognizing when I need a little me time and stepping away before I get stressed helps me to be a BETTER mom, and that's all I really want in life... to be the best mom I can be for that little guy!
I realized, for my situation, going to work was also going to help me be a better mom. I was going to be able to provide a lot more opportunities for my little guy. On top of that, I cannot tell you the fantastic social aspect daycare has brought to him that he wouldn't get otherwise.
When I started to look at these POSITIVES rather than the negatives, I was able to feel more confident in my role as a mom. Therefore, I felt more confident in myself as a person, and that was really the start to my self-love journey!
Every mom and family situation are different, not wrong, just different.
To all of my fellow moms out there, please remember that we all have very different situations from one another. What works for you and your family may be different from what works for me and mine and vice versa.
Please, please, PLEASE, if you take ANYTHING away from this let it be this: STOP THE MOM SHAMING! When it comes down to it we are all trying to be the very BEST moms we can be. We want what's best for our babes. We do the things we do because we LOVE them. Please remember that the mom that stays home with her kids is doing so because that's best for HER situation.
At the same time, the one that goes to work each day feels that's best for hers. The mom that breastfeeds until her baby is two believes that is best for her child, yet the mom that chooses formula is doing so because of her situation. None of us are in the place to judge one another's parenting skills, so instead, let's just empower each other and give each other the strength to be one AMAZING mother for the family they are raising!
Xoxo,
Brittany Eckert
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